. blue eyes, so black .
2003-02-22 - 2:35 a.m. . . .
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"Its not so hard to hit the ones you say you care for." - God's Reflex

... Dana leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "You know, you are really handsome." I didn't answer her. I couldn't. I wanted to hit her. I wanted to knock her down and watch her cry.

"Sometimes it is good to compliment people." she said.

At that moment I had so much hatred and contempt for her I really thought I could have hit her. I wanted to stand above her while she laid on the ground and scream. I wanted to make her cry. I wanted her to realize that I am a human being that has feelings.

"Is this all I am to you? You think you can appease me by calling me 'handsome?'" I imagined yelling at her. I saw it all in my head. It seemed so perfect. "You think this is a friendship? You don't give a shit about me, you just use me to make yourself feel better, and I am done with your shit. Most days, I wish I never met you."

...20 minutes later she smiled at me and I felt bad for wanting to hit her. I wanted to tell her how much I love her. I wanted to get her piss drunk so I could hold her hand and pretend that we are "more than friends."

I don't want to ever see her beautiful brown eyes ever again.

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